I became friends with Jillian in the summer of 2016, because we both worked at our city's Parks and Recreation summer camp. We became friends very quickly, largely due to our willingness and ability to express ourselves to each other, including our honest thoughts and opinions. This summer things were different. Where our relationship had flowed freely the summer before, we ran into personality and conversation conflicts. At first I was very confused, because I thought I understood our friendship well. However, we had spent the school year apart, only seeing each other during occasional breaks, which had led to us experiencing very different circumstances. He had also started a relationship over the summer, and I had really missed how that had affected his life throughout the school year. Say no to plagiarism. Get a tailor-made essay on "Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned"? Get Original Essay When I came home and we started hanging out again, there were subtle differences in his personality that I noticed; a tendency to be more irritable, less likely to ask probing questions about issues I was dealing with, accompanied by a tendency to talk about himself and his relationship problems disproportionately. It was a topic that began to dominate our conversations, and I eventually became frustrated. I'm the type of person who likes to discuss a problem to solve it and hopefully come to a solution. This was not Jillian's intent. He just wanted someone to vent his frustrations to and then hopefully validate his actions. This leads to asymmetric communication, which “occurs when people exchange different types of information” (GAA 19) and can blur the lines of communication between two people. Problems began to arise for me when we went through the same behavioral patterns and both Jillian and her significant other predictably repeated actions that would create conflict. When things became very tense between the two of them and it began to seriously impact her daily life, I asked her if she wanted to consider the overall health of the relationship. In the months since I returned home I had watched his personal health and self-care deteriorate. He started abusing prescription drugs, which became a very sensitive topic. Since starting this course, I have come to the tentative conclusion that Jillian could be diagnosed as a narcissist. Narcissism is defined in terms of “having an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a focus on oneself at the expense of others” (GAA 68). She is a very kind and caring person – her initial career choice was nursing – but a lot of the time she didn't realize how disproportionate her focus on herself was. She is beautiful and has a history of attracting others who admire her deeply. He consistently seeks this admiration through the use of dating applications, work interactions, and other various means of communication. Part of her problem with Matt, her longtime boyfriend, was that he wasn't good at long-distance communications. He wasn't very attentive to his phone during the day, which is the exact opposite of Jillian. She had a prescriptive expectation that he would be responsive to her text messages, because most people in our generation usually are. When he didn't give her the attention she expected, her expectations were violated in a negative way; “When negative violations occur, people may become angry and dissatisfied with their relationships” (GAA 103). This is exactly what happened, and so whencouldn't get attention from him, he would pursue other avenues. Men would become infatuated with her, and entertain their advances while feeding on their compliments, in line with the idea that "narcissists are more focused on the short-term rewards they get from relationships, and therefore seek someone who provides them something."demonstrate immediate admiration rather than long-term mutual liking" (Emmons, 1989; Morf & Rhodewalt, 2001). This was something we discussed openly, I think because she was seeking validation for her behaviors. I decided to never shame her for her actions, because she was very sensitive to my judgment and I didn't want to alienate her or make her feel bad about herself. However, I think there were many instances of misinterpretations between us, which led to her feeling criticized and blamed, a potential result of violations of expectations (GAA 105). I'll give an example of a conversation we had a few months into the summer. I had just apologized for not always understanding his explanations of his behaviors, explaining that I was currently going through a difficult time in my life. It quickly became a heated discussion: Me: “I need you to be there for me a little more. I have trouble communicating when I'm in trouble and I need you to reach out to me." Jillian: "You should have told me sooner. I'm sorry I'm such a crappy friend." Me: "It's okay. We're all shitty friends sometimes.” Jillian, voice raised and sharper: “Wow, okay. Sorry, I'm just a piece of shit and the worst fucking friend ever. Thank you for this." At this point I pause, considering my next words. She interprets this as me agreeing with what she said, and gets further angry. Me: "That's not what I said." How can you imagine, I was a little perplexed by this interaction. Although my intention was not to upset Jillian, I also did not want to validate her behavior. She had been a rather inattentive friend to me in my time of need, and I saw this as an opportunity to have an honest discussion about how we could both be better friends to each other. I hoped we would both come away from the conversation with a better understanding of each other and our individual needs. Instead, he interpreted bad both my words and my silence, causing an intense negative reaction. In this example I shortened the dialogue, but it continued in the same pattern for about 20 minutes later. I would apologize if I misspoke and try to explain my thoughts , and she would get angry as a result. I really didn't understand how to correct this negative behavioral pattern and felt stuck in a destructive cycle of interactions between us. Clearly, I wasn't paying enough attention to how Jillian would react to my words, and there were times when I completely regretted speaking. Narcissists “have relatively low self-esteem and seek self-esteem boosts,” (GAA 68) a descriptor this is perfectly in line with his behavior. She has admitted to me on several occasions that she suffers from low self-esteem, something we can bond over, and that she actively seeks self-esteem boosts to help her feel better about herself. I raised the idea that we want to be able to increase our self-esteem, rather than relying on the opinions and words of others; or if we relied on others, they would have to be friends and other loved ones who know us very well and attach true meaning to their words. I could only bring up the topic once or twice before she got very defensive. As you can probably deduce, a pattern has formed between us.