Defending the Attitude of Curiosity As a therapist, it is our job to be curious and inquisitive because otherwise clients will not reveal enough. “Professionals may find it helpful to ask questions informed by an awareness…” (Knudson-Martin & Mahoney, 2009, p. 59). By asking informed questions about how a client's current "behavior patterns" have been maintained, therapists can help them define what kinds of relationships they want. By asking these educated questions, problems can be externalized and shown as an illustration of larger problems outside of them and their control. This curiosity is driven by the client's vulnerability and self-honesty. (Knudson-Martin, 2013) When this vulnerability is present, the therapist can experience the client in a way where it is safe for the client to admit mistakes and still be accepted. Asking a client to talk more about a topic they brought up, or to sit with a feeling and describe it in detail would be something a curious therapist would do. Additionally, asking open-ended questions allows customers to tell stories rather than respond with simple answers. Additional questions might ask clients to think about something in a different way, perhaps from their partner's perspective. I recently began working with a client and his father for family therapy. During the session I noticed that the father was becoming hostile towards his son and I asked him where that hostility came from and what he felt underneath. The father hesitated at first, but then admitted that he “loves [his son] so much and [he] wants [his son] to be happy.” The client admitted that he had never heard such a thing from his father before; curiosity was therapeutic. Expanding critical consciousness The concept of gender and power in couples therapy: a social-emotional approach. Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy, 1-16. doi:10.1111/jmft.12068Knudson-Martin, C. (2013). Why power matters: Creating a foundation of mutual support in couple relationships. Family Process, 52(1), 5-18. doi:10.1111/famp.12011Knudson-Martin, C., & Mahoney, A. R. (2009). Couples, gender and power: creating changes in intimate relationships. New York: Springer. Lev, A. I. (2010). How strange! - The development of gender identity and sexual orientation in LGBTQ-headed families. Family Process, 49, 3, 268-290. Malpas, J. (2011). Between pink and blue: A multidimensional family approach to gender nonconforming children and their families. Family Process, 50(4), 453-470. Tatum, B. (2003). Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: Revised Edition. New York: Basic Books.